Bereavement Therapy in New York
What is Bereavement?
Loss is a very unfortunate fact of life. Bereavement refers to the sadness and grief we experience when we lose someone (or something) that we care about. Even if we have not experienced the loss yet, we can experience anticipatory grief, for example, when we expect to lose someone we care about due to a terminal illness. We can also grieve ourselves, the loss of who we were, if we have experienced a change in our lives that makes the world unrecognizable. Bereavement can take many forms and can look different from person to person and, during our mourning processes, we may experiences many different stages and emotions along the way.
What does Bereavement look like?
When we talk about grief and loss, we often talk about the Five Stages of Grief. Those stages, in the order that experts typically discuss them are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It should be noted, however, that often these emotional states are not a linear path and each individual will experience these states in different ways. Not all individuals will experience every stage, or not in this exact order, or they may experience some stages more than once in the course of their healing. Nevertheless, understanding the Five Stages of Grief, and how we can learn to move through them, can be helpful when we are grieving.
Denial
Denial is often thought of as the first of the five stages of grief because, at the time of the loss, it shows our very human penchant for not wanting to acknowledge difficult changes. We are in a state of shock and we wonder how we can go on if the world is no longer what we thought it was. Denial helps us to cope and makes survival possible in the short term. As you begin to accept the reality of the loss and move away from a state of denial, you unknowingly begin the healing process. But as the denial begins to wane, all the feelings you were denying begin to rise to the surface.
Depression
During the depression stage, our grief deepens and can reach a point of extreme low. Life may feel pointless if it only leads to loss, and in addition to the loss we are grieving, we may also lose our ability to find joy for a time. This depressive stage feels as though it will last forever. It is important to note that the stage of depression in grief is not the same as depression as a mental illness, although they may share many symptoms. The grief stage is, instead, a part of the healing process as we learn to feel and cope with our sadness.
Anger
Anger is a strong emotion and can be a necessary stage in the process of healing. Some may feel that it is not appropriate to feel angry, but it is a very natural feeling to have when we are confronted with loss. In some cases, you may find that your anger is misdirected: you feel angry towards others around you or angry at yourself, when the anger is actually due to being upset at the situation and your loss. By being willing to feel your anger, you can allow yourself to continue processing the loss and moving through the grieving process.
Acceptance
Acceptance is often confused with the notion of being okay with the loss we have experienced, but this is not the case. Most people don’t ever feel okay about their loss. Rather, the acceptance stage is about accepting the reality that our loved one is physically gone and recognizing that this new reality is the permanent reality. While we may not feel okay about it, we can and do learn to live with it. Over time, as we begin to slowly accept the change, we see that we cannot maintain the past. And while we can never replace what has been lost, we can make new connections, have new meaningful relationships, and live fulfilling lives.
Bargaining
When we experience loss, most of the time we just want life to return to how it was before the unfortunately event or period. We want to go back in time, back to when things were better. In this state, we often feel guilty about our own control (or lack of control) over what occurred, and we may think that if we had done something differently, or if we do something differently in the future, we can restore our loss and no longer feel sad. Most of us would do anything not to feel the pain of loss. But in thinking this way, we remain stuck in the past, unable to move on and heal.
How we can help with bereavement, grief, and loss at City Center Psychotherapy
The loss of someone important to you is a process that is hard to describe. Grief processing can be complex and intense, and can benefit from the invitation to share, listen and explain how grief often works. With extensive bereavement education and work, our team can hear what you’ve going through, what the loss means to you and walk with you as you navigate the road of mourning. Our aim is to help you heal, understand the loss and integrate the person or relationship lost into your life now.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
CBT can help individuals manage negative feelings related to grief and loss by learning and utilizing coping skills.
CBT therapists work with a client to identify and address how the client’s thoughts and behaviors interact to create negative feelings. With a therapist, you will work to recognize how negative thought patterns influence your feelings. By recognizing and changing negative thought patterns, as well as changing behaviors that lead to the worsening of negative feelings, CBT can help you better manage issues related to grief and feel better. Psychoeducation about why negative feelings occur and exercises also support positive outcomes for clients.
Supportive Psychotherapy
Supportive psychotherapy describes a therapist’s attempt to help clients dealing with extreme emotional distress and other problems. The approach is different from more skills-based treatments, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, in that it includes advising the individual, providing comfort, encouragement, and reassurance, and a sympathetic ear. In this way, the therapist provides an emotional outlet the client needs as well as the chance for the individual to be themself.
This type of therapy may also include an psychoeducational component, with the therapist informing the client about their illness and about how to manage it and cope with it.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
ACT (pronounced like the word “act”) relies on a term called “psychological flexibility”, which helps clients change their relationships to their thoughts, connect with the present moment, and make behavior choices that serve their values. Therapists use talk therapy and experiential exercises to identify avoidant behavior and build tolerance for sitting with pain, discomfort, and uncertainty - all of which are essential human experiences.
*Telehealth (online) therapy available.
Dealing with grief and loss?
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